What Is To Be A Mother? 11 Unfiltered, Bittersweet Truths

Fifteen years in the trenches of motherhood – that’s a whole lotta spit-up, sleepless nights, and enough “why?” questions to make my head spin. If I listed every unexpected twist and turn this journey has thrown my way, well, we’d be here longer than a toddler’s tantrum at a toy store. Because, to be honest, those “what-to-expect” books I read in my early motherhood failed to answer the question “What is to be a mother?” and prepare me for the emotional rollercoaster raising tiny humans was.

But hey, hindsight is 20/20, right? So, here are the biggest, hardest motherhood truths I’ve learned along the way, and what I love about them is that there’s a beautiful hope in every one of them! Consider it a crash course in the beautiful, messy, utterly unpredictable adventure of motherhood. Buckle up – it’s gonna be a wild ride!

11 Truths about motherhood: what is it to be a mother?

1. You will be driven mad by your kids and find out how “bad” you are

The reality is, parenthood comes with a healthy dose of frustration. The days of blissful snuggles eventually give way to demanding toddlers with perfected whines and an uncanny ability to find every single last one of your nerves. You spend an entire evening refereeing sibling squabbles and answering the same question for the hundredth time and feel like you are about to erupt into a full-blown meltdown.

Relationships with kids are very intimate and intense, touching the very core of us (and our old unhealed wounds). No wonder we lose our cool so easily. Every parent does!

I had never realized how “bad” I was before I became a mother. All these new struggles of motherhood pulled nasty things (I never knew existed) out of me and revealed unhealed wounds.

So, what is it to be a mother when you are falling apart?

Being a mother takes you lots of self-healing, self-regulation, and wise self-care to be able to care for and raise your kids God’s way! 

Remember, God equips us with patience and love (Galatians 5:22). He is the HEALER! Take a deep breath and pray for guidance when frustration arises.

2. The choice between kids and career will tear you apart

Juggling a family and career/biz will always be heartbreaking. Carving out time and energy for your pursuits can feel impossible when you’re also responsible for the well-being of tiny humans who demand your attention 24/7. You will feel like you tire apart. You feel like a bad mom for wanting “me time,” and a bad professional for letting it fall by the wayside.

So , what is to be a mother if you have passions outside being a mother?

Proverbs 31:10-31 describes a capable woman who manages her household, cares for her family, and pursues her own endeavors with wisdom and diligence. God equips you with the talents and desires you have for a reason! Don’t give up on your dreams entirely.

Seek out creative solutions, even if it’s just small steps at first. Maybe talk to your spouse about carving out some dedicated “you” time, or explore online courses or resources that allow you to work on your passion in bite-sized pieces. Remember, using your gifts can be a way to glorify God and inspire your children.

3. Mom guilt will be your lifelong companion

You will compare yourself to other moms who seem to have it all together – a thriving career, a spotless home, and talented children – and feel inadequate. You will doubt your parenting abilities based on the curated snippets of other moms’ seemingly perfect lives. 

So, what is it to be a mother in a digital world that makes you feel like you are always messing up? it is about unplugging and focusing on YOUR own little world.

Remember, social media feeds are often highlight reels, not real life.

Instead of comparing ourselves to others, we should strive to learn and grow in our own journeys. Focus on the blessings your children bring. 

God doesn’t call us to be perfect moms.

1 Corinthians 12:7-11 says that he gives each of us unique gifts and talents. Instead of comparing ourselves, we should focus on developing God-given gifts and using them to raise our children and contribute to the world.

4. Your parenting plans will be ruined

Remember all those grand plans you had for raising your children? Exclusive breastfeeding, educational TV only, endless patience, and a perfectly organic diet? Let’s just say motherhood has a way of testing our best intentions. Just like the mom who swore by gentle parenting but found herself losing her cool in the face of a toddler meltdown, we all learn quickly that sticking to a rigid script rarely works.

I also dreamt about raising tech-free kids, but a rainy afternoon and a desperate need for a break led me to turn on a cartoon. I meticulously planned healthy, organic meals, only to be met with wrinkled noses and picky eating.

So, what is to be a mother when our initial plans go out the window?

Proverbs 16:9 tells us, “A man’s mind plans his way as he journeys through life, But the Lord directs his steps and establishes them.”

God often has a different path for us than the one we envision, and that includes our parenting journeys.

Be flexible and embrace the unexpected! God works in mysterious ways, and these changes might be blessings in disguise. Maybe your baby thrives on formula, or that educational show sparks a new curiosity in your child. Perhaps those frozen peas are the only vegetable your little one will eat right now, and that’s okay!

5. You will worry if your child’s behavior is normal

Have you ever found yourself Googling “Why won’t my toddler wear pants?” at 2 am, or frantically searching forums for reassurance about your child’s seemingly endless picky eating phase? Motherhood comes with a built-in worry meter that seems permanently set to “high.” Every milestone, every phase, every new behavior, from whining to backtalking, sends you into a spiral of self-doubt.

So what is it to be a mother when anxiety overwhelms?

Philippians 4:6-7 tells us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Most challenging behaviors are just phases. What seems like a never-ending tantrum or an annoying habit will eventually pass. Talk to other moms, pray for discernment, and trust your God-given instincts.

6. You will miss your pre-mom life (but that doesn’t make you a bad mom!)

Remember those carefree days before children? Spontaneous weekend trips, quiet mornings with a good book, and the simple joy of leaving the house without a diaper bag in tow? You will feel a pang of longing for the days when you can prioritize your own needs or follow your talent without guilt.

Becoming a mom is a beautiful gift, but it can also feel like a complete overhaul of your life. It’s natural to miss some aspects of your pre-mom self, and that doesn’t make you a bad mom – it just makes you human!

What is it to be a mother when you are tired to the extent you no longer want to be one?

Mark 2:27 tells us, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.”

Here’s the key, mama: God calls us to care for ourselves too. Just like the Sabbath was a day of rest, you need time to recharge and nourish your own spirit. Find creative ways to carve out “you” time, even if it’s just a few stolen moments each day. We have prepared a bunch of solo date ideas for you (and some of them don’t even require leaving the house!)

7. The world will feel much more dangerous

News stories that once glanced off you now pierce your soul. A tragic event involving a child triggers a terrifying thought: “What if that were mine?” Even mundane news can feel overwhelming as you realize that this world your children will inherit is far from being a safe place.

You know what? You don’t have to protect your kids from the pains of this world. Instead, equip them for the real world. As they grow up, they need to learn about a wide range of harsh situations and emotions, varying from the highest excitement to the deepest grief (Of course, it’s you who explains these to your child choosing the best suitable words according to the child’s age and level).

 Acknowledging that negative emotions exist in the world will help them validate and tolerate their and other people’s negative emotions and learn to self-regulate in suffering by leaning on God’s mercy. Every bad event is a chance for you to talk to your child about the sinfulness of this world, God’s love, and compassion (Psalm 103:8). This is a perfect opportunity to pray together and offer comfort to those in need.

8. Sometimes you will be your child’s only fan 

Every parent knows the feeling: your child does something adorable, and you practically burst with pride. You beam at strangers, hoping they’ll share your awe, but sometimes they just go by carelessly. It hurts, and the wound will get even deeper after your child starts having conflicts with other kids (and you with their moms consequently). The harsh truth is that no one will appreciate your child as much as you do. 

Remember, you are your child’s biggest advocate and cheerleader. Their world might not always recognize their awesomeness, but you see it every single day. Your child will have your love and God’s love forever!

Romans 8:38-39 tells us, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

God’s love for us is unfailing. He sees the potential and beauty in each child, just like you do. Find joy in sharing your child’s journey and focus on the incredible bond you share. The world may not always offer your child endless praise, but your love and encouragement will be their anchor.

9. You will doubt your parenting decisions  

The thought “Am I doing this right?” is probably the most frequent guest in your head. No matter how many parenting books you devour, how many seasoned moms you chat with, or how many years you’ve been in the trenches, the doubt can creep in. You second-guess yourself at every turn, from screen time limits to discipline strategies. Every milestone, every behavior, every decision feels like a potential landmine, and you can’t help but wonder if you’re setting your child up for success (or utter disaster).

Here’s the secret, mama: there’s no perfect parenting manual.

Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Every child is different, every situation is unique, and even the most experienced moms have moments of doubt. 

I thought I was experienced and saw everything after three kids, but what worked for the first three, failed completely for my fourth child. I felt like I had to start learning from scratch. My “own understanding” was ruined. 

What helped me in my battle is learning from experiences (both good and bad!), praying for wisdom (James 1:5), and knowing that God is always there to guide us through the “unknown”.

10. You will want to wear the “happy mom” mask (but don’t!) 

Let’s face it, mama, life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. There will be days (or maybe even weeks) when you feel like hiding under the covers and wallowing in your storm. Maybe it’s a bad day at work, a fight with your spouse, or just the overwhelming weight of the daily grind. Whatever the reason, you yearn for a moment to simply be… not okay.

But then you look at your child’s bright, innocent eyes, you will want to put on a brave face. They need you, and the last thing you want is to burden them with your grown-up worries. You will hide your tears after a difficult conversation, putting on a happy face for bedtime stories.

Here’s the truth, mama: it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. Your children don’t need a perfect, perpetually cheerful mom. They need you, in all your messy, human glory. While sheltering them from every hardship is unrealistic, you can communicate with them in age-appropriate ways. 

Let them know that even grown-ups have bad days and that it’s okay to feel sad or frustrated sometimes. Your example of leaning on God in difficult times and your prayer is the best lesson you can teach your kids to get them ready for adult hardships.

Psalm 55:22 tells us, “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.”

11. Letting them go will be painful  

You will feel a pang of sadness when your child chooses their friend’s company over yours for playtime. You will long for the days of endless cuddles and bedtime stories, replaced by slammed doors and teenage angst. And you will grapple with the realization that you’re no longer the center of their universe, and it can feel like a rejection.

So, what is it to be a mother when you are no longer the “number one”?

Kids grow up and leave the nest. But here’s the beautiful truth, mama: this growing independence is a sign of your success as a parent! You’ve nurtured your child, instilled values, and equipped them with the confidence to explore the world around them.

Proverbs 22:6 tells us, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”

Letting go can be hard, but this new phase is an opportunity to connect with your child differently. Be their cheerleader, their confidante, and a safe space for them to navigate the complexities of growing up.

Focus on the joy of watching them blossom into their own unique selves. The cuddles might be fewer, but the love you share will always remain. Remember, God is always there to guide them, just as He has guided you on this incredible journey of motherhood.

What is it to be a mother in the Bible?

• God created the family in the first pages of Genesis, and since the creation of the world, He uses the metaphor of mothers to describe the ways He loves and cares for His children.
• Motherhood is probably the most intense way for us to grow in serving others and our understanding of God’s mercy, love, and grace.
• Scripture teaches moms to point children toward Christ by praying for them, modeling faith and character, and training them in wisdom.
• Mother is the first person who introduces a child to God. A kid sees Good through their mom’s heart.

Finally, what is it to be a mother?

Motherhood is a paradox, a beautiful complexity that will leave you forever changed.

There will be days that leave you questioning your sanity, nights spent yearning for uninterrupted sleep, and moments when the outside world fades away under the weight of responsibility. You’ll face self-doubt, question your every decision, and grapple with the ever-present fear of failing your child. Also, you’ll learn to navigate the uncharted waters of scraped knees, teenage drama, and the bittersweet pang of letting go. But amidst the chaos, you will be overflowing with love so mighty that it endures everything.

Motherhood is like a trek up a steep mountain trail. The higher you climb, the more breathtaking the views become, and the stronger the realization that the destination was worth the struggle.

So, mama, take a deep breath. With God, you are stronger than you think and more capable than you doubt. 

Lean on your faith, find joy in the journey, and hold onto the moments, big and small. And as you gaze back down the path you’ve climbed, you’ll know, with unwavering certainty, that you wouldn’t trade this extraordinary adventure for anything in the world.

What is to be a mother to you?

Drop us a line in the comments on what part of motherhood was (or still is) the most challenging to you.

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