Gaslighting Parents: How to Redeem Toxic Phrases with Biblical Love

Parenting is a sacred calling, but it’s not without its challenges. Sometimes, in the heat of a tantrum or a teen’s defiance, we might say things that hurt more than we intend — gaslighting phrases that make our kids doubt their feelings or reality. Even Christian parents can be gaslighting parents. I’ve been there too. In this guide, I explore what gaslighting phrases are, why they slip out, and how to parent with grace, blending insights from psychology, Christian counseling, and Scripture.

The pain: Unintentional gaslighting in parenting

Parental gaslighting definition

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where someone causes another to question their perceptions, memories, or feelings. In parenting, gaslighting phrases might include:

• “You’re overreacting.”
• “That never happened.”
• “You’re too sensitive.”
• “I never said that.”
• “You’re being dramatic.”

These phrases, often said in frustration, can make children feel their emotions are invalid, leading to confusion, self-doubt, or even anxiety (Simply Psychology, 2024). 

My parental gaslighting experience

As Christian parents, we’re called to nurture our kids’ hearts, not sow seeds of uncertainty. Yet, the demands of parenting, especially with a difficult child or entitled teen, can push us to react in ways that don’t reflect Christ’s love.

I’ve been there, mama, snapping “You’re fine, stop crying” when my patience was thin, only to realize later I’d dismissed my child’s real hurt. It’s humbling to see how our words can shape their trust. But God’s grace offers a path forward, through repentance, wisdom, and intentional love.

Why do gaslighting parents say toxic phrases?

Children’s psychology helps us understand why gaslighting phrases slip out. Gaslighting parents might use them due to:

• Learned behavior. If a parent was raised by a gaslighting mother (e.g., telling them “You’re too emotional”), they may repeat it unknowingly (MindBodyGreen, 2023).
• Emotional overwhelm. Stress or exhaustion can lead to dismissive responses, like “You’re making it up,” as a way to cope.
• Control needs. Some gaslighting parents, especially those with authoritarian tendencies, use phrases like “That’s not what happened” to maintain control, often without malice (Simply Psychology, 2024).

These gaslighting phrases can harm a child’s emotional health, fostering low self-esteem or anxiety (HealthCentral, 2021). For example, telling a child “You’re too sensitive” when they’re upset might make them suppress emotions, fearing they’re “wrong” to feel. Over time, this erodes their confidence and trust in their own perceptions.

Biblical wisdom: How to slay the gaslighting habit by speaking truth in love

Our words are powerful. Proverbs 12:17 declares, “Whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence, but a false witness utters deceit.” 

Gaslighting phrases, even unintentional, can act like deceit, confusing a child’s reality. Instead, we’re called to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15), affirming our kids’ feelings while guiding them toward God’s truth.

When we dismiss a child’s emotions with “You’re overreacting,” we risk embittering them, which Colossians 3:21 warns against: “Fathers, do not embitter your children, lest they become discouraged.” 

Christian counseling emphasizes that validating a child’s feelings, like saying “I see you’re upset, let’s talk,” builds trust and reflects God’s grace (Biblical Counseling Coalition, 2022). 

If we’ve used harmful phrases, repentance is key. 1 John 1:9 assures us, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” By apologizing and seeking God’s wisdom (James 1:5), we model humility and restoration.

Kris Reece, a Christian counselor, advises grounding ourselves in God’s truth to counter gaslighting tendencies. If we’re tempted to say “That never happened,” we can pause, pray, and ask, “Is this true? Am I reflecting Christ’s love?” This aligns with Proverbs 21:29, which contrasts the “bold face” of the wicked with the upright who “give thought to their ways.”

Common parental gaslighting phrases and their impact on kids

Gaslighting phrases can deeply affect our children’s hearts and minds. Here’s how these common sayings might hurt, along with a Biblical response to guide us:

“You’re too sensitive.” 

This invalidates emotions, leading to self-doubt or suppression. 

Biblical Response: Ephesians 4:29 urges, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up.” 

Antidote phrase: “I see you are upset. Let’s talk about it.”

“That never happened.”

This questions memory, fostering confusion or mistrust. 

Biblical Response: Proverbs 12:17 reminds us, “Whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence.”

Antidote phrase: “I want to understand your side. Can you tell me more?”

“You’re overreacting.”

This dismisses feelings, potentially lowering self-esteem. 

Biblical Response: Colossians 3:21 warns, “Do not embitter your children, lest they become discouraged.”

Antidote phrase: “I’m here for you. Let’s figure this out together.”

“I never said that.”

This undermines reality, causing anxiety or self-blame. 

Biblical Response: Psalm 119:105 says, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path”—seek truth.

Antidote phrase: “Let’s look back together. I want to get this right.”

“You’re being dramatic.”

This shames emotional expression, encouraging suppression. 

Biblical Response: Galatians 6:2 calls us to, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

Antidote phrase: “It’s okay to feel big emotions. Let’s pray through it.”

These impacts highlight the need for intentional communication. Our kids watch our faces and hear our words. Let’s make them a reflection of God’s love.

Practical tips for gaslighting parents to avoid toxic phrases

Here are practical steps to parent with grace, ensuring your words uplift rather than undermine:

1. Pause and pray before responding
   When your child’s behavior triggers frustration, take a deep breath and pray for patience. James 1:19 urges, “Be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” This helps you avoid phrases like “You’re too sensitive” and respond with love.
2. Validate their feelings
   Acknowledge your child’s emotions, even if they seem big. Say, “I see you’re upset. Can we talk about it?” This builds trust and reflects Galatians 6:2, “Bear one another’s burdens.” Validation doesn’t mean agreeing. It means showing you care.
3. Repent and apologize
   If you’ve used a gaslighting phrase, own it. Apologize sincerely: “I’m sorry I said you were overreacting. That wasn’t fair.” 1 John 1:9 promises God’s forgiveness, and your humility models repentance for your child.
4. Seek God’s wisdom
   Pray for discernment to speak the truth. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously.” Ask God to guide your words, especially in heated moments.
5. Learn from the community
   Connect with other Christian moms or a counselor grounded in faith. Proverbs 15:22 says, “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” Sharing struggles helps you grow and avoid harmful patterns.

Gaslighting parents and the Bible: addressing the controversy

There’s some debate in Christian circles about parenting styles. Some advocate for strict discipline, citing Proverbs 23:13-14 (“Do not withhold discipline from a child”), which can lead to dismissive phrases if not balanced with love. 

Others, like Seattle Christian Counseling (2023), emphasize emotional validation to avoid resentment, aligning with Colossians 3:21. The key is balancing truth and grace: discipline with empathy, ensuring words don’t manipulate but guide.

Gaslighting parents need healing themselves

Mama, if you’ve caught yourself using gaslighting phrases, don’t let shame weigh you down—God sees your heart, and He’s in the business of healing. Gaslighting parents often carry their own unhealed wounds, whether from childhood patterns of being dismissed or the overwhelming stress of parenting (MindBodyGreen, 2023). Psychology tells us these behaviors can stem from our own struggles—maybe you were told “You’re too sensitive” as a child, and now those words slip out with your own kids. But here’s the beautiful truth:

God wants to heal you as you parent.

Psalm 147:3 promises, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Bring your hurts to Him, seek His wisdom, and let His love transform you from the inside out. As you heal, your words will become a fountain of life for your children, reflecting Jesus in every moment.

If you loved this biblical truth for gaslighting parents, find more inspiration here:

Stressed Out Mom? Try These 9 Simple Mindset Shifts for Inner Calm and Outer Order

Why Do I Feel Like a Bad Mom? 9 Toxic Parenting Habits to Quit and Thrive!

12 Signs of an Emotionally Safe Mom: How to Raise Kids in Faith and Love