Stressed Out Mom? Try These 9 Simple Mindset Shifts for Inner Calm and Outer Order

Today, moms don’t have to worry about infant survival rates or wild animals eating their babies. The progress removed those fears. It didn’t leave us stress-free though. It’s just the stress factors that changed. In this fast-paced, information-loaded, and performance-driven world, being a stressed out mom is a norm because you have to keep up with the pace. Right? (We’ll answer this question in the end.) 

So before you reach for that third cup of coffee (or that hidden emergency stash of chocolate!), think about this. 

Motherhood stress and anxiety don’t have to become your norm. 

Moms fret about many things, but not all of them are in our control. For example, you cannot control other people’s feelings or weather. Still, THINGS THAT ARE IN YOUR CONTROL CAN BE CHANGED (reframed) so that they stop being a stress factor and your constant mom bliss thief. 

Your mindset is among the changeable!

By rethinking our attitude or approach to the daily grind and quitting unnecessary chores, you can eliminate tons of stressful situations and bring more peace to your home.

In this post, we will go through 9 mindset shifts that help stressed out moms minimize stress around them and achieve that desired inner calm and outer order.

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Signs of a stressed mom (you?)

Hey, before we dive in, are you up for a short “stressed out mom” test? So what are the signs that the world on your shoulders gets way too heavy?

• You’re snapping at everyone. We all lose our cool sometimes, but if you find yourself constantly on the verge of a meltdown, it might be a sign of deeper stress.
• Your brain feels like mush. Can’t remember where you put your keys (again)? Struggling to focus on work tasks? The brain fog can make even simple decisions feel overwhelming.
• Your body is keeping score. Headaches, muscle tension, acne, and changes in sleep or appetite can all be signs that your body is saying “ENOUGH!”
• “Me-time”? What’s that? Those bubble baths and captivating novels seem like a distant memory. When self-care goes out the window, stress creeps in.
• The fun stuff feels like a chore. Remember that hobby you used to love? Now the thought of even picking it up feels exhausting.
• Netflix becomes your babysitter. Screen time for everyone (including you) starts to creep up as a way to cope with the overwhelm.
• Procrastination takes over. Important tasks get put off until the very last minute, or worse, not done at all.
• Healthy habits fall by the wayside. Eating healthy becomes a struggle, and exercise feels like a luxury you just don’t have time for.

Other not-so-obvious signs of a stressed out mom:

• You have scarce time alone with God. If you can’t remember the last time you sat quietly with Scripture and had a deep, uninterrupted prayer, and that peace that transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:6-7) feels like a distant memory, it’s another sign you’re pushing too hard and prioritizing outer over inner.
• You lost your playfulness. Yes, playfulness. Remember those days when a dance party in the living room was the highlight of your day? Now you rush from task to task in a productivity trance never noticing the sky, the trees, and the simple joys of the everyday. When a child asks you to play, you sigh and make up an excuse because just having fun becomes too boring for an achievements-driven, stressed out mom obsessed with results.

Is that tired, overwhelmed, running on fumes bore person you? 

If yes, stay tuned. In the next section, we’ll dive into some practical strategies for getting organized, taking back control joy, and creating a calmer, more manageable life.

9 Mindset shifts for a stressed out mom bringing peace vs. chaos

1. Embrace the abundance of “less” 

How much time do you spend organizing toys, clothes, and who-knows-what-else that took shelter under our roof? How much stress do you feel when your home looks like a “before” picture in a home organization ad? You’re pretty sure there’s a floor under there… somewhere. The truth is that having less stuff translates directly to less stress.

Less stuff means:

• less to clean, 
• less to put away, and 
• less visual clutter bombarding your senses.

The “less is more” approach might seem counterintuitive, but it works wonders

We all want to give our kids the best, right? But in reality, kids don’t need a mountain of toys to be happy. In fact, studies show that they actually thrive with fewer choices. 

A capsule wardrobe for your kids (think 6-7 outfits per season, not including special occasions like church clothes) means

• less laundry, 
• less decision fatigue for them in the morning (what to wear?), and 
• a sense of responsibility as they take care of their limited belongings.

I’ve heard a tip for stressed out moms to give kids only one pair of shoes per season. I think it’s wise both organizationally and paedagogically. Firstly, you have less shoe clutter at the entryway, and secondly, kids learn to take care of their shoes because they have only one pair. (It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a spare for unpredictable situations, but just keep it a secret). 

Getting started with minimalism can feel daunting, but decluttering doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing approach. If you want to learn how to declutter with a happy heart, read my post on the KonMari decluttering method for creating a clutter-free home.

Try a small decluttering challenge this weekend. Grab a trash bag and ruthlessly go through a drawer or toy bin. Don’t forget your kitchen cabinets too! Donate unused items, toss broken toys, and keep only the things that … well, you know. Purging feels so intoxicatingly good!

Stressed out moms, hear me out! Being satisfied with less actually makes your home smell like freedom. Freedom from having to:

• buy, 
• organize, 
• clean, 
• and fret about in a never-ending cycle…

2. Quit unnecessary chores!

Devote your time to what really matters. If some chores zap your energy and bring you zero joy, quit. 

Here’s an easy test on how to define the superfluous. Imagine you have a piece of paper split in half. The first column is for chores you believe you have to do, and the second one is for what you really want to do according to your priorities.

For example, ironing goes to the first column, and Bible time or bedtime story go to the second. Or crafts with kids to the first and watering your garden or starting your own blog to the second (yes, no mistake here because every mom is different). Now evaluate both lists. Do they look similar? If not, it’s time to introduce some changes! 

You cannot do it all, so you either quit unnecessary chores or suffer from a working mom burnout. But it’s you who decide what’s unnecessary.

Here are some ideas for chores to skip:

• Ironing (choose clothes that don’t get wrinkled too much and iron only on special occasions). 
• Prewashing dishes before putting them in the dishwasher (if your dishwasher detergent doesn’t cope, consider changing your product or switching to powder detergent vs pads).
• Vacuuming the whole house daily (focus on high-traffic areas and tackle the rest as needed, once a week is fine).
• Hand-drying dishes (air drying on a rack is more sanitary and sanity-friendly).
• Running your dishwasher half-loaded (waiting for a full load before running the dishwasher saves water and cuts down on unloading duty). 
• Washing clothes after one wearing (unless an item is stained or stinks, washing isn’t required. Read my comprehensive laundry guide on how to make clothes last longer and you will be surprised you actually overdo your laundry).

The point is to focus on what matters. You may hate some chores (but they are still necessary) or find joy in absolutely mundane tasks. 

I love weeding and watering my garden. It’s my time to pray, focus, and worship God. My kids know that when their mom is working in the garden, it’s her alone time, and disturbing her is off-limits. I may water even before it starts to rain, and I feel fulfilled despite the obvious senselessness. I know moms who love doing dishes with the same incomprehensible love. They even have the prayer list attached to the tiles above the sink. So it’s a kind of worship, don’t judge ))

3. Throw everything in baskets

Unless you are an organization freak, you know the pain. You try to implement a system (detailed labeling, using organizers, color coordinating) to keep everything in your home tidy and organized, but everybody in your family sabotages your efforts. If this happens, you are probably over-microorganize. Try to macro-organize instead. 

Baskets are the easiest, fastest, and most kids-friendly way to tame chaos at home for a stressed out mom especially if organizing isn’t your family’s passion. Your kids won’t have issues with putting things away if they know that this basket is for toys, this one for dirty clothes, and this one – for books. Every basket has its predefined place in the house.

4. Shorten your chores time to “enough”

Who doesn’t want their house to look perfect? But “perfect” cleaning takes a big bite out of our lives.    

With four mess-making machines in the house, I quickly realized the power of entropy. In physics, entropy is the tendency of things to move from order to disorder. It’s a kind of force that exists in the universe, and it’s not friendly. It’s not on a mom’s side for sure. 

I used to waste hours cleaning, sorting, and organizing, just to face the reality of nobody in my family being happy about maintaining the effect. The burnout came fast. I was undone. 

I realized that having a Pinterest-perfect home wasn’t worth the resentment it brought to my home as I guilt-tripped my family into helping me to make it “perfect”. So I was looking for a compromise to have both a clean house and sanity.

I decided to shorten the chores time from “perfect” to just “enough”. “Enough” to me is when it’s already past mess but before “perfect”.

• 15-minute weekly bathroom cleaning (applying a vinegar spray over glass shower doors/tiles, and toilet bowl/sink disinfecting product, and letting them sit for 7 minutes before scrubbing them in the order as I see fit).  
• 10-minute weekly cabinet wipe. I have white cabinets, so it’s a point of pride. The dirt comes off easily with a microfiber cloth, Pink Stuff multipurpose cleaner, and a magic eraser, which is a perfect tool for matt white furniture I have). 
• 2-minute evening cleanup before going to bed (putting food away, wiping counters and the table with an all-purpose cleaner, and cleaning my granite kitchen sink with dish soap (or a special granite cleaner once a week) and wiping it dry).
• 10-minute weekly dusting.  
• 3-5 minutes of laundry daily (I load, and my kids empty and put clothes to air dry on a drying rack).
• 5 minutes of vacuuming/sweeping the high-traffic area.

5. Stressed out mom, delegate everything you can!

In my chore list above, you didn’t notice common chores like mopping or dusting, and you might think I’m cheating you, but the point is that ALL THE REST CLEANING CHORES ARE DONE BY MY KIDS (and sometimes my husband). 

Teaching my kids chores was the best part of my motherhood journey as now I can calmly enjoy a blissful cup of my favorite English breakfast tea or sunbath in the garden while my oldest kids (two teenage boys and a 7-year-old girl):

• Load and empty the dishwasher (loading plus unloading by turn to prevent arguments over the improperly placed dish and hence “being not clean enough” and “having to rewash it by hand”, since the rule is “you misplaced, you rewash”) every other day.
• Vacuum and mop the entire house plus dust their own rooms weekly.
• Empty a washing machine, air-dry clothes on a rack, and fold/put away dried clothes (daily). 
• Bring dishware from the patio after dinner in summer (daily).
• Sweep the patio and wipe/vacuum the patio furniture (weekly, by turn).
• Pull a garbage can to the curb (weekly).
• Water some garden beds (when I ask for it).
• Clean after a cat (daily).
• Collect outside toys (daily).
• Sweep and mop the entryway (daily).

The road to this result was bumpy, and there were lots of times when I had to secretly redo the chores because, well, the results delivered didn’t make me happy. However, over the years, they have honed their skills and can now do what I do. The secret was to be okay with “imperfect”. 

6. Give kids more control over their stuff

If you don’t want to be pecked to death by a million “Can I have some water, please?” or “Can you get me that toy?”, or “Can I wear that skirt on the top rod?”, just arrange things such as cups, plates, snacks, clothes, and toys where kids can reach them. 

By creating a low-to-the-ground environment, you’re setting them up for independence and success (and yourself for a peaceful cup of coffee). 

Here’s how:

• Make a snack station. Ditch the constant trips to the pantry. Dedicate a low shelf or drawer in the fridge and pantry for kid-friendly snacks like yogurt, fruit, or pre-cut veggies. This empowers them to make healthy choices and fuel their little bodies throughout the day without you lifting a finger.
  
• Move kids’ clothes lower. Your child cannot reach their clothes in a closet? Move frequently worn outfits to lower hanging rods or dedicate drawers for easy access. This not only saves you time in the morning scramble but also fosters a sense of accomplishment as they dress themselves.
  
• Make toys easily accessible. Rotate your child’s toys, keeping a selection of favorites readily available on lower shelves or in toy baskets. This not only keeps things fresh and exciting but also allows them to independently choose how they want to play.

7. Go predictable

Doing everything in the right (and the same!) order is a secret ingredient of smoother mornings, fewer meltdowns, more agreeable children, and a whole lot more cooperation. 

Kids crave routine, so establishing a clear order of operations for your day can dramatically reduce resentment and make life easier for everyone.

Think about it: how do you feel when someone throws a curveball into your perfectly planned working day? Frustrated, right? Kids feel the same way when you try to change the game rules all the time. 

By creating a predictable sequence for things like chores, structured and unstructured playtime, and screen time, you’re setting them up for obedience and a good mood. They know what to expect, and there’s less room for resistance or arguments.

Here’s how to use the power of “and then” to your advantage:

• Use screen time as a reward after chores are completed. This gives kids something to work towards and teaches them responsibility.
• Clean room “and then” pool time. If you struggle with making your kids clean their rooms or doing other mundane chores, putting the reward after the magic “and then” increases your chances for stressless mornings. 
• Establish a clear order of daily activities. Ensure your kids know this order to follow. You can create some sort of a chore chart and make up a reward system. Draw the activities on a piece of paper for toddlers and preschoolers who cannot read yet and stick it to the fridge at their eye level.

8. Keep “like with like”

How much time do you waste on hunting down shoes, lunchboxes, or baseball mittens every time you want to go somewhere? If a get-out-the-door process is painful, grouping stuff might be the solution. 

For example, create a designated “shoe zone” by the back door or entryway (all shoes in one place, no exception). Other things to group and store in one place include: outside toys, sports equipment, backpacks, coats, sports bottles, umbrellas, etc.

• Those forgotten jackets draped over every chair become a thing of the past with a designated coat rack or hooks by the door. 
• Basketballs, soccer balls, and bats can be corralled in a designated storage bin or hung on sturdy hooks in the garage or mudroom.
• Pool toys, sandbox shovels, and backyard essentials can create a chaotic eyesore. Invest in a weatherproof storage bin or designated outdoor storage box to keep these items contained and easily accessible for playtime.

Easy access for both you and your little ones means less clutter and less stress.

9. Stressed out mom, if it’s too hard, maybe you are pushing too hard?

As a working mom of four, I experienced all the shades of motherhood stress and anxiety and know how tough the life of a mom can be. 

As a believer, I also know that God doesn’t want us to lose inner peace. He never promised a trouble-free life, but He promised His peace. If we have troubles but don’t have peace, our behavior is wrong. Our position before Him is wrong.  

If you fret over something too much and your load feels unbearable, it’s time to ask yourself a few questions:

• Does it have to be that hard? (Maybe it’s so hard because you want it perfect?) 
• Is keeping up with it important enough to steal your joy? 
• Or maybe it’s just you who is pushing too hard?

Maybe there’s a better way? Maybe you need less, not more?

• Less achievements, but more peace. 
• Less control and pursuit, but more surrender. 
• Less rushing, and more time spent WITH HIM.

I love this Bible verse and want to share it with you:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Hear me out. In most cases except for serious situations and losses, life doesn’t have to be hard on the inside (it still can be hard on the outside, cause it’s life). 

So if you are a burdened, stressed out mom, and you’ve lost your joy, your playfulness, your smile, and you snap all the time, it means you need to come to Him and replace your burden with HIS. He promised it would be light.

What to say to a stressed out mom? 

Becoming a stressed out mom is inevitable when you decide to keep up with everything this fast-paced life throws at you. Do not push yourself to be perfect at everything because it’s a surefire way to being perfect at nothing. 

Embrace the power of “less,” delegate tasks, and focus on what truly matters. By implementing these simple mindset shifts and practical strategies, you can break free from the cycle of stress and cultivate a life filled with more peace, joy, and connection.

If you loved this post on the mindset shifts for a stressed out mom, grab more inspiration:

Why Do I Feel Like a Bad Mom: 9 Toxic Parenting Habits to Quit and Thrive!

KonMari Method Steps to Mom Bliss: PURGE Clutter, Refind Focus

What Is To Be A Mother? 11 Unfiltered, Bittersweet Truths

From Chaos to Bliss: Powerful Mom Morning Routine for a Fulfilling Workday