What Is Working Mom Guilt Monster And How To Slay It?

Working mom guilt steals your mom’s bliss. You know you’re doing your best, your kids are thriving, but that guilt monster rears its ugly head, triggered by a casual comment or social media scroll. In a fraction of a second, it drops you down from a happy and fulfilled working mom to a depressed overwhelmed working mom. It has happened to you a million times, and you might even have your own bitter collection of triggers.    

Working mom guilt depression is real. If you are tired of those emotional swings (from “I hate being a working mom” today to “I need to work to stay sane” the other day), it’s time to kick that working mom guilt to the curb and carve your way to self-acceptance. And it starts here. In this post, I explain working mom guilt and its impacts on you and your family. Spoiler: it’s normal to feel working mom guilt but not normal to do nothing about it. 

Stay tuned for our next post, where we unveil proven strategies to slay that guilt dragon and finally find peace. Finding a supportive community is one of the best ways for it, which is what we do here at Mom’s Glow. 

Demystifying the monster: working mom guilt psychology

What is working mom guilt?

Moms who work (willingly and not) often experience a unique emotional burden known as “working mom guilt.” It stems from the perceived conflict between pursuing a career and raising kids.

This beast thrives on comparisons, feeds on insecurities, and leaves moms feeling like they’re failing on all fronts. Remember that nagging thought that you are not good enough both as a worker and as a mom?

What does working mom guilt feel like?

The working mom guilt can manifest as self-doubt (“Why do I feel like a bad mom?”), worries that your kids are threatened, and low self-esteem, which all together impact your and your family’s wellbeing.

Working mom guilt statistics

Guilt is a scourge of all moms, including stay-at-home and work-from-home ones. A study reveals that 78% of moms feel guilty. Among the reasons were not trying enough activities with kiddos (35%), not being able to afford much (34%), and the absolute leader – not spending enough time with kids. 

According to the Pew Research Centre, balancing work and family is challenging for 50% of working dads and 56% of working moms, which means dads also experience some sort of guilt even if they don’t emotionalize it in the way moms do. 

Still, there’s a silver lining! Despite the taxing juggle, studies (1, 2, 3, and 4) show amazing benefits for moms, kids, and relationships when moms work and contribute. So hold your head high, mama! You’re rocking it, even when the guilt monster tries to whisper otherwise. 

What triggers working mom guilt?

Most moms do not feel guilty 24/7. Usually, there are certain triggers that launch the chain reaction of negative thoughts. 

For example:

• Missing children. For example, you have to go back to work after maternity leave, and it makes you feel like you are missing out on precious moments with your little one.
• Milestone anxieties. Working moms may worry about missing important events in their child’s development, like school nativity plays, parents’ afternoons, or athletic competitions.
• Caregiver doubts. Trusting others in taking care of your child can be challenging, leading to anxieties about the well-being and normal development of your child.
• Bonding concerns. Now that you spend lots of time apart for work, you fear that it weakens your bond with your child.
• Work-life balance struggles. You get overwhelmed by guilt every time you mess up. For example, you fail to get your kids to school/daycare on time, forget the name of your child’s teacher, fail to whip up something for the daycare bake sale, have to order takeout, or dash out in the morning, leaving your husband scrambling to get everyone ready. In these moments, you feel like an inadequate mom and hate your career.
• Breastfeeding challenges. You want to keep breastfeeding after going back to work but worry that skipping nursing might decrease your milk supply.

Understanding what triggers guilt in your case helps find the best remedy. Most of the time, guilt is cured by tracking down the flawed logic behind self-blame, reframing situations, and focusing on the positive side.  

The truth is that working mom guilt is just a story, and you can rewrite the narrative!

Origins of working mom guilt

While it feels personal, mom guilt for working stems from a tangled web of societal pressures, external opinions, and even our own self-imposed standards. Let’s shed some light on these factors:

1. The Supermom myth

We moms often buy into the “moms can do it all” lie, which results in feeling inadequate, ignorance of our limitations as humans, and guilt for falling short. We’d like to be almighty and omnipresent for our kids and protect them from all evil, but the truth is that we are not God. We are limited and cannot control everything.

2. Traditional gender roles

Deep-rooted social expectations dictate mothers as primary caregivers, leading to guilt when work demands compete with this perceived ideal. For example, moms who grew up in traditional families where mothers were primary caregivers might experience internal conflict over their working roles.

The times have changed, but working moms still struggle to mentally keep up with the modern agenda.   

3. Work-centric cultures

Societies emphasizing career success can make mothers feel guilty for prioritizing family over professional ambitions, even if that’s their choice.

4. Personal challenges

Balancing work with chronic illness, disability, or other personal struggles can exacerbate the overall stress and guilt burden.

5. Financial strain

In a society that often equates financial success with being a good provider, struggling to afford childcare, pay bills, or provide “extras” for your children can trigger feelings of inadequacy. The bar is very high. Some working moms honestly confess that they don’t like working. However, they like knowing their contributions are helping keep their families healthy (insurance) and financially secure.

6. Judgmental voices

Working moms endure a barrage of criticism, judged as neglectful parents or uncommitted employees, too harsh or too soft. It feels like a constant tightrope walk and a constant no-win…  Whatever you do, you are still “not good enough”.

Judgemental voices can come even from close family. One working mom shared on the internet that her sister-in-law (who had her mom around to help her out with kids) said she didn’t use the daycare because she didn’t want “a stranger to raise her child”. This comment made that mom feel worthless as she had no choice but to rely on daycare. 

All of us can recall a situation or an insensitive comment that made us doubt that we were good moms.

7. Self-imposed guilt 

This one is huge. Most of the time it is the mom who judges herself according to her own standards “borrowed” from social media or personal traumatic experiences, not God’s standards. For example:

• You were raised in a poor family and when you grew up, you decided that you would work hard to provide your kids with everything you lacked as a child. You raised the bar, hence the guilt. 
• Seeing other moms, whether stay-at-home or seemingly “having it all,” can trigger self-criticism and feelings of inadequacy.
• Traumatic childbirth, postpartum struggles, or early separation due to work can lead to long-lasting guilt about perceived failures.

8. Lack of support systems

Limited access to affordable childcare, supportive family networks, or flexible work options can exacerbate guilt and feelings of isolation. 

That’s where communities like Mom’s Glow come in. We understand the unique challenges faced by working moms and strive to provide a safe space for connection, support, and resources. 

The mom guilt trap effect: entangled lives and shattered dreams?

Insidious tendrils of working mom guilt reach far beyond your own heart. It can impact your relationships, career, and even your children’s well-being.

Family friction

Constant self-doubt fuels anxiety and mom fatigue, affecting interactions with your spouse and children. You might snap at your husband, feel disconnected from your kids, or struggle to truly be present in family moments. 

Guilt erodes the very connections you cherish. 

One working mom told me:

“I always know when I am at my lowest with my working mom guilt. It is when I don’t want to see my family. It’s a reg flag telling me that it’s time for a kind self-talk.”

Career crossroads

Guilt whispers doubts about your capabilities, leading to missed opportunities or stifled ambition. You might downplay your skills, shy away from promotions, or question your right to pursue career goals. 

Break free from these shackles – your contributions deserve recognition, and your professional dreams matter.

Invisible weight

Whether working full-time, remotely, or part-time, guilt can be a constant companion. You might compare yourself to stay-at-home moms or idealize an impossible work-life balance. 

Remember, there’s such thing as a stay-at-home mom guilt and a work-from-home mom guilt.

Nobody’s in clover! 

Moms feel mom guilt regardless of whether they work or not. It’s the nature of being a mom. The more we give away, the more we doubt that we give away enough. Whether you’re rocking a power suit or wrangling tiny humans in comfy PJs, that nagging voice whispers doubts and comparisons. 

Moms beat themselves up for many things, including quality time deficits, Pinterest-perfect homes that never materialize, missed breastfeeding goals, career anxieties, neglected self-care, unattainable fitness dreams, overflowing budgets, lost hobbies, and fading social connections. The list, sadly, goes on. 

So the working mom guilt is just a nook in an expansive labyrinth of mom guilt.

Every mom’s journey is unique and hard at the same time. Find what works for you and let go of unrealistic expectations.

Remember:

1. It’s normal. Working mom guilt is a common experience, and acknowledging its presence is the first step towards managing it.
2. Focus on facts. The guilt often stems from perceived shortcomings rather than reality. Consider the positive aspects of both work and motherhood.
3. Seek support. Talking to other working moms or a therapist can provide valuable perspective and coping mechanisms.

Breaking free: how to deal with working mom guilt?

That was the theory part. Are you ready for some anti-guilt practice? 

In our next article, we’ll delve deeper into how to get over mom guilt. We’ll explore powerful techniques for reframing your thoughts and grateful self-talk, practical mindfulness tools, self-care, and helpful resources like support groups.

Please share in the comments what’s the hardest in your working motherhood and what makes you feel guilty about work.

Stay tuned for actionable strategies to reclaim your inner glow and thrive in all aspects of your life!

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