Why Do I Feel Like a Bad Mom? 9 Toxic Parenting Habits to Quit and Thrive!

I often ask myself, “Why do I feel like a bad mom?” But then I stumble upon other moms searching for “signs you are a bad mother” or “am I a bad mom quiz” and realize it’s actually a trend. Why do moms constantly shame themselves?  

We are vulnerable because we care. We take on loads, bear unbearable schedules, take the blame when things get hectic, and often buy into the lies that make us feel miserable. Why? Because we want to make everyone happy. That’s the point.

So, can we really make everyone happy? What are those sneaky toxic mom habits (I call them “mom bliss thieves”), and how to replace them with healthy ones? Let’s break it down!

Why do I feel like a bad mom?

Here are a few reasons why you might be feeling down on yourself:

• Society’s pressure. Our culture often paints an unrealistic picture of motherhood, emphasizing constant joy and effortless perfection. This airbrushed version of motherhood can leave you feeling like a messy failure. 
• Comparison trap. You see a picture of a perfectly decorated playroom on Pinterest and feel like your chaotic living room reflects your parenting skills.
• Negative focus. Moms often dwell on bumps in the road, forgetting all the amazing moments.
• Mom guilt. We may feel inadequate and “not good enough” for craving “me time” and longing for self-care, while instead, we “should” be busy cleaning or cooking organic homemade meals.    
• Early motherhood blues. The realities of pregnancy, childbirth, and newborn care can be far from idyllic. A dream birth plan gone awry, postpartum depression, and breastfeeding challenges make us question our mom skills. 
• Mom burnout. Constant demands and chronic stress can leave you feeling emotionally and physically depleted. Our cup is empty. 
• Mom anger. When our own emotional needs are neglected for a long time, this inevitably leads to a mental breakdown. We snap, yell, and then beat ourselves up over this.   
• Unrealistic expectations. Moms have their own standards of motherhood, and failing to meet them can lead to disappointment and self-criticism.
• Motherhood as a traumatic experience. Unwanted pregnancy, health issues during pregnancy that made it feel like torture, negative birth or breastfeeding experience, or having difficulties bonding with a baby may contribute to a feeling like a bad mom.  
• Identity shift. Motherhood can be a time of significant change, and some moms grapple with a new identity or feel a loss of their pre-baby self.
• Lack of support. Feeling isolated or unsupported can make even the most routine parenting tasks feel overwhelming.

What makes you feel like a miserable mom? 9 toxic habits to beat with God’s truth

1. Being overly connected

Times, when we got news only from our family, neighbors, and newspaper, are gone.

Social media has replaced those real-life connections with a never-ending stream of “perfect moms” on expensive vacations, rocking glamorous outfits, and boasting about their smart kids and DIY bathroom renovations for a steal.

I confess: I compare (even if I try not to, I still see all this stuff), I envy, and lose my bliss (hello, mom guilt!). With this “scroll monster” in my pocket, it’s easy to feel like my regular life filled with dishes, laundry, sicknesses, and endless “Mommy, I need you!” moments is so miserable in comparison.

I need to constantly remind myself:

• I need to be less with social media and more with God.
• Compare less, surrender more.

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:2, ESV)

2. Not leaving kids room for mistakes

The “helicopter mom” mode sucks up so much energy plus it may really make our kids upset as they try to figure out things on their own. Have you ever found yourself swooping in to “rescue” your kiddo from a chore, just because it feels quicker to do it yourself? 

At the moment, it feels like the path of least resistance. However, by constantly shielding them from tasks, we’re unintentionally hindering their growth.

Yeah, I know sometimes these mistakes may go beyond just something spilled, mismatched, or broken as the kids grow. Moms should be prayerfully present all the time in our kids’ lives and sometimes intervene drastically. Still, mistakes are good things.  

And in connection with this, motherhood is the art of training and letting go.

“Do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4, NIV).

This verse emphasizes raising children with love and guidance, but not controlling them. 

3. Blaming yourself for a bad connection and a kid acting up

Are there any other moms who believed the magic formula – perfect connection equals perfect kids? Connection doesn’t work this way. 

Do not get me wrong. Connection is crucial! We need those snuggles, the chats, and the silly game time. But even the most connected kiddo will push boundaries, test limits, and misbehave.

It’s part of growing up! Kids are learning, exploring, and figuring out their place in the world. This journey includes making mistakes.

We, as moms, can get caught up in the “positive parenting” wave and start blaming ourselves for every bump in the road. They didn’t ace that test? Must be because we didn’t read them enough bedtime stories. Did they tattle on their brother? Maybe we didn’t explain sharing enough.

Stop the guilt trip, mama! Kids are human. And sinners. 

Sometimes a kid acts up just because they want to (“Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child”, Proverbs 22:15), not because you are a bad mom.

4. Trying to keep kids happy all the time

As moms, we want to guard our kids from everything bad… even if it’s life itself 🙂 

When our kids are dealing with any kind of negativity, we intuitively try to soften the blow and blame ourselves for their negative experiences. 

Like, for example, you hear your kid saying, “Nobody wants to be my friend”. You see them suffer, you feel sorry, and say something like, “They don’t know how good you are”, “They don’t deserve you…” or “I’m sure you will find better friends”. 

Just hear me out. It’s not your job to make your kids happy. God never called us to that. He never promised us a life free of trouble, suffering, and pain for those who want to follow Him. Rather the opposite,

Jesus said, “In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33, NIV).

Our kids will inevitably face negativity and harsh emotions. They are a part of life. Our job as moms is to acknowledge and validate our kids’ struggles – the frustration, the sadness, the anger – to teach kids to lean on God who’s overcome the power of this world.

God’s incredible promise is His unwavering love and the empowering strength of the Holy Spirit. These gifts aren’t meant to shield our children from life’s challenges but to guide them through them.
If I haven’t persuaded you, here’s what Dr. Becky Kennedy from Good Inside says:

“When we make the happiness of our kids our parenting goal, we set up them for the adulthood of anxiety. Because if we don’t teach our kids to deal with negative emotions, they will feel fearful and guilty of having them as adults.”

Life’s bumps and bruises your little one faces are a chance to snuggle up and chat about God’s amazing love, forgiveness, and the incredible strength He gives us all.

After all, it’s always easier to say, “Yeah, life is hard, but God is good” (which is true) than to take the situation personally (as your own battle) and make up a contemptible explanation of negativity every time.

5. Pleasing kids’ whims (cause “I’m not a mean mom”)

Ever feel like you’re living in a constant negotiation with tiny dictators? It can feel like saying “no” to that extra screen time or treat is the ultimate betrayal, leading to meltdowns and accusations of being a “mean mom.” Don’t buy into this manipulation. You are not a mean mom, and constant indulgence isn’t actually doing your little ones any favors.

Sacrificing our own needs and what we believe is good for our kids for fleeting moments of peace, we’re setting them up for disappointment in the long run. Kids crave healthy boundaries! Hearing “no” from time to time helps them understand limits, develop resilience, and appreciate the value of delayed gratification.

God doesn’t give us anything we want or pray for (instantly) because He knows what is good for us. We should learn from the kindest Father how to love, not please our kids.  

Setting clear expectations and sticking to them, even when it means a few tears in the short term, will ultimately lead to a happier and more well-adjusted crew. 

6. Not calling a sin sin

Gentle parenting is all the rage, and for good reason! Still, gentle doesn’t have to mean permissive.

We often hear that our job is not to control our kid’s feelings but to be with them in their feelings. That is right. Validating the emotions is important, but we also need to address the bad behavior and bring God’s truth there:

• Name the bad behavior.
• Look at what in a child’s heart causes this behavior.  
• Call out the sin. 
• Bring it to Jesus.

For example, “I know you are upset because your brother just was lying about you, but calling names isn’t good. This is not acceptable.”

Constantly overlooking bad behavior can leave a mom feeling drained, stressed, and questioning her effectiveness as a parent. 

I decided that I would set boundaries even if they let my child down because it’s their holy behavior not “happiness” that glorifies God.

7. Not listening to your body signals

The question “Why do I feel like a bad mom?” pops up in my head more often when my body is suffering. There’s definitely a connection between how I feel physically and my self-esteem as a mom.

We’ve all fallen victim to the “non-stop mom” mentality. We push ourselves to the limit, ignoring our body’s cries for rest and healthy choices. We tell ourselves we can “power through” on minimal sleep and endless to-do lists. But here’s the truth: this approach backfires.

God designed us in an amazing way. Our bodies are programmed to function best when we listen to their signals. When we constantly push past these signals, like skimping on sleep or fueling ourselves with unhealthy food, we set ourselves up for trouble. 

This can lead to things like adrenal fatigue, hormonal imbalances, and stress-related issues. Basically, we end up feeling drained, overwhelmed, and asking ourselves again and again, “Why do I feel like a bad mom?”

By tuning into your body’s needs, you can reclaim your energy and feel amazing. This doesn’t require drastic changes or becoming a fitness fanatic (although those things can be great!). It’s simply about honoring what your body is telling you. Nourish yourself with healthy foods, prioritize quality sleep, drink plenty of water, and engage in activities that make you feel good – mind, body, and soul.

8. Not saying “no” (to adults)

We’ve all been there. Feeling pressured by others to do things that don’t align with what we want, need, or believe in. Such “boundary-pushing” can lead to a packed schedule filled with activities we dislike, leaving us feeling drained, resentful, and miserable.

The truth is that the power to set healthy boundaries lies within you! As Christian moms, we have the incredible gift of the Holy Spirit guiding us. This inner voice often tells us when something doesn’t feel right, yet we let outside pressure sway us.  

The worst part? We often blame others for our misery. We might snap at our husbands for not supporting us when, in reality, we didn’t dare to say no in the first place.

If you want to reclaim your peace and happiness, grab a notebook or your phone’s note app and take some time to reflect on what truly drains your energy. 

• Did you cave to your kids’ constant requests? 
• Did you agree to a social event that doesn’t excite you?

The Holy Spirit wants to guide us, and we can hear Him speaking as our inner voice. When we ignore His signals, misery follows.

“Stand firm, then, in the freedom that Christ has set us free, and do not submit to a yoke of slavery.” (Galatians 5:1, NIV)

It’s a good reminder that setting boundaries is not selfish but an act of protecting your God-given freedom to choose what aligns with your values and well-being.

You can’t pour from an empty cup. By saying “no” more often and prioritizing your values, you’ll become a happier and more present mom for everyone you love.

9. Suppressing emotions (not being honest with yourself)

The bitter truth of life: moms hate other moms who always smile and handle everything with grace but still want to be like those moms, so they suppress everything that doesn’t fit the image.

We are pros in lying about our true feelings. We say, “I’m fine” when there’s a storm inside us. 

You may already know it, but I’ll say it again: bottling up your true emotions isn’t healthy for you or your family. It leads to frustration and eventually, an explosion. You might get angry at yourself for feeling upset, or worse, lash out at your little ones.

Being honest with yourself is not about becoming a “yelling mom.” It’s about embracing the beautiful truth that you’re a human being with a full range of emotions. 

Moms, accept this truth:

In God, all our feelings are valid. 

At God’s throne, we are allowed to have all the emotions possible. We won’t lie to Him. He knows our hearts. Bring your burdens to him! 

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28, NIV)

I know that even when my thoughts are frantic, I won’t disappoint Him with my true self and my lowest moments because He loved me till the end.

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I feel like a bad mom to my toddler…

He is the last one of our four kids, and I literally exhausted myself as a mom with the three older kids. I played. We bought tons of books, and I read to them a lot. They really performed better than their peers because I invested so much time and myself in them. The bond was (and still is) everything.

And now, with the last child, it’s different. I no longer want to build with Lego blocks or read. I force myself to do it. The bond is fine because my toddler constantly claims it, never letting me go (emotionally). But sometimes I feel guilty for not spending enough structured time with him. 

I wanted this child, and we had prayed about him before the pregnancy happened. Still, I didn’t realize then that I had already been like… spent. Today, I want to serve God beyond my motherhood, and I have no idea how to juggle all this stuff.

I bring this to God and go like “Lord, I didn’t want it to be like that. I feel like I disappoint you…” And He assures me every time, “He’ll be fine. With me. I’ll take care of his structured time. You serve Me.”

And He really does what He promises. My boy is smarter than the older kids and even more skilled (except for the potty skill, LOL). 

So, why do I feel like a bad mom?

So answering the question, “Why do I feel like a bad mom?” I guess it’s because we just need reassurance of God’s love and some minor changes to our lifestyle such as being less on social media, controlling our kids less, letting ourselves feel what we feel, and saying no to activities or people when our God-given inner voice tells us so. 

Moms can’t make everybody happy, but we can surely be a blessing if we don’t feel so miserable.

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