How to Get Over Mom Guilt for Working: 11 Practical Tips To Hush Doubts

Working mom guilt, that persistent monster under your bed, can leave you drained. But you are not powerless against it! In our previous post on working mom guilt, we talked about its common triggers, origins, and toxic effects on your family. Today’s post is on how to get over mom guilt and stop wasting your God-given potential on doubts. 

We will equip you with actionable strategies to reframe your thoughts, manage your guilt, and find peace as a working mom.

How to get over mom guilt: 9 break-free tips for working moms

1. Disarm the lies behind self-blame

Very often, mom guilt for working grounds on flawed reasoning (or simply saying, believing in lies). To break free from the working mom guilt cycle, you need to expose the lies behind guilt narratives and rewire your thinking. 

For example:

• All-or-nothing trap (believing you have to be either a perfect stay-at-home mom or a perfect career woman, with no middle ground or balanced approach).
• Catastrophizing (believing in the worst-case scenario, for example, assuming that working equals your child’s emotional downfall and missing every “first”).
• Personalization (taking all the blame for any challenges your child faces and believing every bump in the road is connected to your working mom status).
• One mistake = forever (applying a single negative experience to all aspects of working motherhood. For example, missing a school play because of a deadline means you’re a “bad mom” forever).
• The “Right Way” myth (believing there’s a rigid “one way” to be a mom, leading to guilt when you don’t meet those unrealistic expectations).
• The “God Complex” fallacy (believing you can fulfill all your child’s needs, control their heart, and prevent them from experiencing any hardship as if you were God).

Recognizing the lies enables you to replace unrealistic ideals with healthier expectations for yourself as a working mom.

How to expose these lies in practice:

• Identify the guilty thought. What exactly are you feeling guilty about?
• Analyze the reasoning behind the guilt. Ask yourself:
  • Is this realistic, or am I catastrophizing?
  • Do I judge myself according to God’s standards or my own?
  • Am I setting impossibly high standards for myself? (Do I compare myself to successful instamoms?)
  • Do I try to overtake God in protecting my kids?
• Replace lies with truth (“My kids are safe and sound”, “God wanted me to be a working mom”, “I am doing my best”, “I can trust God in taking care of my kids when I’m at work”, etc.).

2. Name your mom guilt trigger

How to get over mom guilt psychology: when guilt arises, instead of getting entangled in the thought or feeling, try to describe your triggering feeling in the most accurate way and call it by its name. Like, “I envy that mom from Facebook who has enough time to deep clean her home and do the crafts with kids because I don’t have time for it at all.” Or: “I feel fear about how my child will perform at school”.

Such an approach helps you see the real triggers of guilty thoughts, such as fear, envy, etc. Calling the trigger by its name brings relief and shows ways for improvement.

You need to deal with these triggers, and the guilt will be gone. Bring these thoughts to God honestly in prayer, and see how He makes them straight again.

3. Reframing the narrative: from guilt to gratitude

Gratitude is the best remedy for any depression, and mom guilt depression is not an exception. Instead of focusing on perceived shortcomings, shift your focus to the positive aspects of your life and cultivate gratitude for:

• Your career opportunities (and thank that smart lady who brought you to the place you are in right now: yes, it’s YOU!). 
• Your child’s well-being. For example, you can say that your kid can socialize in the daycare, or your kid may become a better sleeper because they got used to sleeping in noisy conditions at daycare.
• Ability to create a more fulfilling life for your family. Your kids learn from your role model. Your earnings enable them to get better education, healthcare, and entertainment.

If you have no choice but to give your kid to the daycare, try reframing such necessity as an opportunity: your child hangs out, builds relationships with friends, plays with many cool toys, and learns new things every day.     

4. How to overcome mom guilt: challenge negative thoughts

When guilt whispers, “You’re not good enough,” replace negativity with facts or God’s truth.

Common negative thoughts and how to get over mom guilt by reframing them

• I have to give my child to the daycare where they are raised by a “stranger”.

This is a popular statement, and one might wonder why on Earth it only refers to daycare as if raising kids suddenly stopped after kindergarten. Why doesn’t anyone say that an English teacher in the second grade raises kids while their moms stay at home? Because it is nonsense. It is your family that raises your child from childhood until adulthood.  

Try to look at daycare as a supportive community that helps your child grow into a versatile personality. The truth is that kids do need the company of other adults (call it the community or the “village”). You can say, “The person who takes care of my child is not a stranger because I talk to them every day. I know them and know how my child is doing.”

• I’m not with my kids, so I struggle with anxiety and fear about their future.

The desire to control is huge in moms. We want to be present with our kids and control how they are developing. It’s natural. However, what we call control is rather a feeling of control. In reality, we don’t know the future, and cannot control it. We hardly can control the present. Embrace this limitation.

The best way to overcome mom anxiety and fear is to rely on the fact that God is with you in the whole process of raising your kids. He is a perfect, never-failing Parent who oversees your child all the time (including when you are working).

 

• I spend too little quality time with my child, so it negatively impacts their academic success and overall well-being. 

Moms are culturally obliged to give tons of their “mom time” to kids, which creates tremendous pressure and causes mom guilt for working.

In fact, a study proved that the number of hours a mom spends engaged in her kids’ (3-11-year-olds) activities doesn’t play any tremendous role until adolescent age when it becomes crucial and helps prevent risky behavior. 

More importantly, the researchers found that social status factors such as moms’ earnings and education did play a huge role.

Science says that daycare helps boost social and cognitive skills (math and literacy) in kids of age 3 and older. This effect becomes obvious during the first few years at school compared to kids who didn’t attend daycare. It is worth mentioning though that kids younger than 3 years old may not get the same boost due to their age.  

It is a stereotype that young kids perform academically better if educated by their moms. The truth is that many stay-at-home moms (SAHMs) aren’t able to supply the “daycare” level of teaching. The reason lies not only in time limitations (such teaching can turn into a full-fledged job if you have to educate more than one child at home) but also in not having the required skills.

Long story short, quality time is important, and working moms realize its importance even better than SAHMs who may spend plenty of time with kids but this time is not quality by default. Hence the next step.

5. How to get over mom guilt: spend quality time with kids

The truth is that all moms need to do their best and carve out quality time with their kids. Even if it may seem that spending quality time comes more naturally to stay-at-home moms, working moms don’t have any critical disadvantage.

Actually, there is a huge benefit of a daycare that is often overlooked. After a child’s educational needs are taken care of at daycare, a working mom can just have a more relaxed, unstructured quality time with her child. For example, just speaking and hanging out without the pressure of all the academic stuff she would otherwise have to do with her child if she was her child’s only educator.

One day, I went to get some insights from the how to get over mom guilt Reddit thread. These two Reddit moms absolutely nailed it, describing how different their quality time with their kids can be:

“I don’t feel pressure to be the perfect enriching Pinterest mom since I’m not her whole world. Her world is so open and varied already that we can just enjoy our time with her rather than be worrying about what we “should” do.”

“I know my son gets all kinds of enrichment during the day. It helps me honor what he needs without fretting about having to personally teach him all the things. So if what he really needs after a long day is garbage animation (I’m looking at you Puppy Dog Pals) and cold pizza, so be it, I know he had all kinds of good activities and healthy foods during the daylight hours.”

I’m adding them to my collection of mom guilt quotes.

6. Mom guilt tip: get rid of stay-at-home mom stereotypes

Working moms tend to idealize the “stay-at-home” mom lifestyle. The reality is that SAHMs are also tired, also mess up, also have untidy homes, and also suffer from stay-at-home mom guilt (mom guilt for going out or guilt for not returning to work, anyone?). And surprisingly, they may also feel mom guilt for not spending enough quality time with their kids.

The gap between the two mom categories can be tremendous, which creates the ground for mutual mom shaming.

Stay away from the holy wars between working and SAHMs. This is not your battle.

If you deal with negative comments from SAHMs concerning your working motherhood remember that these comments usually reflect a person’s values and are not necessarily meant to insult you. Negative comments may be a not very kind way to validate themselves and their SAHM lifestyle. 

SAHMs may tell bad things about you because of having a “bad day”, lack of understanding of what it is to be a working mom, their own SAHM struggles, need for self-validation, or jealousy. 

The last one can be a powerful driver of judgemental voices. As a working mom, you may afford more for yourself and your kids, hence the negativity.    

It is important not to return evil for evil but to seek compassion and self-compassion. Focus on positive things you have in common with SAHMs rather than the gap between the lifestyles. All moms are worthy of being valued for what they do, whether they work, work from home, or stay at home. In fact, ALL MOMS WORK!  

7. Set boundaries

Guilt often thrives in the cracks of our schedules, whispering accusations when we prioritize work over family or personal time. But what if you could transform guilt into a catalyst for positive change? By establishing clear boundaries, you can take control of your time and rewrite the story of your working motherhood.

• Learn to say no. Protect your time and energy. For example, establish clear working hours, limit screen time after work hours to create a clear separation between work and personal life, say no to additional work if your schedule is already full, and communicate your availability for responding to messages or calls. Read my post on what makes moms feel miserable and how to quit.
• Define who is a good parent to you. Set your own motherhood standards, aligning with what the Scripture (not Instagram) teaches us about motherhood so that accusers will be powerless to get to you with negative comments. 
• Embrace your true identity. Being a mom isn’t your ultimate identity. Before being a mom, you are God’s beloved daughter. You are a whole person with dreams, passions, and experiences outside your motherhood. You can fail at work or mess up as a mom but still be a happy, fulfilled woman in the Lord. Embrace the fullness of who you are in Christ, and don’t let anyone dim your light. 
• Set realistic expectations. Let go of the idea of “having it all” and embrace the beauty of imperfection. Focus on being present in the moment rather than striving for unrealistic ideals.
• Seek help. Involve your partner and other family members in household chores and childcare responsibilities to distribute the workload fairly and create a sense of shared responsibility.
• Reduce stress. Do you know that stress can be minimized? in my post on mindset shifts for stressed-out moms, I explain how simple adjustments in your home and head can help you tame chaos and live a more peaceful life.

8. Say yes to self-care

Working moms often get into this thinking trap: if I don’t spend enough time with my child due to work, I do not deserve to indulge in any self-care. It’s like a conflict of the two “quality times”.

However, putting yourself on the back burner doesn’t make the situation with your mom-kid quality time any better but gradually turns you into a depressed, overwhelmed working mom you don’t want to become. 

When you prioritize your well-being through self-care, you send yourself a message of self-acceptance and respect. This fosters a sense of self-compassion, allowing you to acknowledge challenging emotions like guilt without judgment, leading to a healthier inner dialogue and a reduced guilt burden.

So schedule your “me time” and stick to it! Block out specific times in your schedule for self-care activities like exercise, reading, hobbies, or simply relaxation. Treat these appointments as important and non-negotiable. We have prepared a list of cool solo date ideas for your inspiration!

9. Stop explaining yourself, just live! 

Dealing with working mom guilt isn’t about ignoring your responsibilities, but about embracing self-compassion.

If you think you will ever be able to prove to your friends, relatives, employer, colleagues, or the world that you are a good mom, think again. The more you scrumble, the more miserable you feel… The only person you can (and have to) prove that you are a good mom is YOU.

• If you work because you can’t imagine your life without that boost and personal growth that comes with a career, and if work is where God is glorified through you, you don’t have to apologize for seeking fulfillment outside of motherhood.
• If you work not because you want but because you have to, again, you don’t have to apologize. We are doing amazing job!

10. Make friends with effective routines

Routines create a sense of structure and predictability, streamlining daily tasks and minimizing last-minute scrambling. Knowing what to expect and when helps you feel more in control, reducing stress and anxiety. Effective routines free up mental space, allowing you to focus on quality time with your family without the nagging feeling of forgotten errands or looming deadlines.

Start with this effective mom morning routine to tame your chaos and enjoy a super productive workday. After you master one routine, you can add more, stacking them up and building your custom working mom system. 

Routines must be high on your “how to get over mom guilt” list because they help you not only simplify your life but also create a sense of calm that spills over into all aspects of your day, leaving less room for working mom guilt to creep in.

11. Build a support system

Isolation and comparison can amplify guilt. Don’t hesitate to seek support from your partner, family, friends, church, and other working moms open to sharing their experiences.  

Become your personal cheerleader! Collect positive thoughts, including motivational working mom quotes or wise advice from fellow moms, and stay on the positive side! 

How to explain mom guilt to husband?

Moms and dads understand and feel guilt for working differently. Having an open conversation with your husband about mom guilt is important because it helps you create a more balanced and efficient division of labor at home together, alleviating some of the pressure that contributes to mom guilt. 

The key is to focus on facts, not emotions:

• Acknowledge that explaining your emotions might feel unfamiliar.
• Instead, explain what triggers your mom guilt for working (having to order takeout, daycare concerns, a messy home, or feeling guilty about working full-time). 
• Avoid placing blame, and ask for help instead (you want his understanding, not defensiveness).

How to get over mom guilt: it’s ongoing, but you are equipped! 

Combating your working mom guilt is not a one-off event. It’s a process. Even if you know your mom guilt for working is disarmed, it still can step on your moment one day. Always be ready for a relapse.

Nevertheless, the steps described above on how to get over mom guilt are powerful to help you rewrite the guilt narrative. Once you slay the monster, you will be capable of defeating it again when it shows up. 

We are eager to hear from you! Feel free to share your working mom struggles with us and your best hacks for overcoming mom guilt. Let’s empower each other and crush working mom guilt together!

If you loved this post on how to get over mom guilt, grab more inspiration:

“Why Does It Feel Like I Am Always Messing Up?” What Triggers Working Mom Guilt And How To Crush It

Stressed Out Mom? Try These 9 Simple Mindset Shifts for Inner Calm and Outer Order

Why Do I Feel Like a Bad Mom: 9 Toxic Parenting Habits to Quit and Thrive!

From Chaos to Bliss: Powerful Mom Morning Routine for a Fulfilling Workday